Trust your Child; Teach Them Less is an initiative by the STUDENT’INN SOLUTIONS under Child Development Program. Every child is special in his own way thus want a special kind of parenting. Psychology says that the environment one has in his early childhood may have a permanent impact on his personality. So, it’s a responsibility of a caregiver to make this time favorable for the child. In this regard, trusting the child is preferred over teaching style of parenting.
Trust Your Child as He/She is an asset; Teach Less
According to Abraham Lincoln, the best way of predicting our future is to create it. We have the best of the opportunity of doing in the face of children because children are future doers and all future possibilities and discoveries will be done by them someday.
Children are world’s most valuable resource and its best hope for future. (John F. Kennedy)
Whose responsibility is this?
A person is a result of his nature and nurture. Hence, shaping a child’s future is in the hand of the people who he follows in early life. So, family and basically parents play a vital role in constructing the personality of a kid.
Role of teachers, trainers is significant too.
Which age is important?
Trusting a child in every age is mandatory. But in early ages (3-6 years) and in teenage (12- 16 years) trusting a child is important.
Why trusting, rather than teaching?
Have you ever notice, that if any stranger offers a 4 years old a toffee or there is some new situation to face, his first step is to seek permission from parents because they believe that his parents will choose best in his interest and this is because they have a faith in you so should you have in them and they get a confidence of doing that. A child basically needs an open and free environment to learn. When you believe them, they feel a security that you will provide a strong back to them in all kind of consequences. When you trust a child, you are actually giving them the confidence and freedom to try, observe, judge, and learn. Learning starts when they without fear. While when you are in a teaching mode, you choose many strategies i.e. ordering, criticizing, limiting etc which can (sometimes) be disapproved medium for child development.
The best way of learning is to experience.
But if you keep on interrupting them on every point, learning ability will be restricted. Criticizing will decrease their faith in themselves and once “You will not succeed/ you will again make mistake/ you will not be the best.” etc settled in their mind; its like imprinted on their personality and ultimately becomes their reality.
I don’t mean that one should not keep an eye on children. Obviously, it’s as important as any other element of parenting but the abundance of everything is bad. Parents should believe the time is the biggest teacher and everyone learns on their own. Their experience should be guiding them but not directing them.
I don’t mean that trust without guidance is enough, but guidance without trust is worthless. (Benjamin Speck)
Psychology prefers authoritative parenting (with less obedience) over authoritarian parenting (with power assertion) because once get become used to of trust in the home, they are open to participating in creative activities without any hesitation.
Once a child has a rapport build with you, they start sharing their activities and feelings with you so you could better them preventing destructive environmental agents e.g. abusers, bully, phobias etc.
Why Don’t Parents trust their Children?
Some parents don’t trust their children because they were never been trusted in their childhood hence they are unaware of this persuasive aspect of parenting.
As John Halt said, “Trust children. Nothing could be more simple or difficult. Difficult because to trust children, we must first learn to trust ourselves and most of us were taught as children, that we could not be trusted.” (John Halt)
Some parents have a misconception that if they will trust their children too much, they would start taking advantage of them or possibly their influence on children will be finished. For such parents, it is advisory that they should understand the difference between trusting and being permissive (allow everything).
How to make to develop a strong relationship?
Trusting actually develops a beautiful bond between parent and offspring and minors will try to strength up this relationship. With your few inquiring checks with warm and caring behaviour, things will get better. So have faith in your child.
As it is said, “Give them an inch, and they will take a mile.
Practice Believing: When you face any situation about your child, try consciously to trust them and announce it.
Appreciate them: Appreciating their little efforts and neglecting the minor flaws will help to make the relationship more reliable.
Have a discussion about trust: Tell them that you believe them and how would you support them and what are their responsibilities and make them learn how to be trustworthy (fulfil promises, never get pressurized, fair with promise, beware of distractions).
Fair in consequence: Don’t be extra harsh and don’t be extra polite for what they do. Give reward or punishment depending on the severity of the condition.
Every person has a universe in it and every life matters. You, being a parent, have a chance to develop a whole world in your own way. Hence, parenting is a full-time job and as I personally, it is the hardest job to bring up a child as a successful human being. So, wish you luck for your turn.
Zarra Haseen is an Intern Content Writer at STUDENT’INN SOLUTIONS.